"WHITE" LIES Do people lie about praying?
NEAL -- (Enters with Bible, goes to pulpit, opens Bible)
Hi! Pastor has a little sore throat, and he asked me if I would read the passage for today's sermon. Our Scripture reading for today is the Apostle Paul's epistle to the Philippians, (waits for everyone to find it)...beginning at the first verse.
PROF -- (Enters hurriedly, with electronic gadget, shouts)
Well, here it is! I can hardly wait to try it out.
NEAL -- Professor Thaddeus, what are you doing here?
PROF -- I brought you my new Thaddeus-Sincereometer.
NEAL -- Sincereometer?
PROF -- Yeah, you know, my new improved version of the lie
detector, the polygraph. Only this one is a real peach.
No electrodes to hook up. No straps to attach. All you
have to do is turn in on.
NEAL -- Professor, what does that have to do with Philippians
chapter one?
PROF -- Oh. It's a shame, you know. It works real good.
That's okay though, you just go on reading.
NEAL -- Philippians, Chapter one ...
PROF -- I'll just stand here and listen.
NEAL -- Chapter one, verse one...
PROF -- We'll save this baby for the sermon integ...
NEAL -- (irritated)...May I proceed?
PROF -- You won't hear a peep out of me.
NEAL -- Philippians, Chapter 1, Verse 1. "Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi, with the bishops and deacons:"
PROF -- (turns on sincereometer, adjusts the antenna)
NEAL -- Professor, what are you doing?
PROF -- You just pretend I'm not here.
NEAL -- "Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you..."
(buzz)
What was that?
PROF -- Oh. Ah. I'm sorry. The Sincereometer thought you weren't
sincere about something.
NEAL -- The Apostle Paul wouldn't lie...
PROF -- No, no, it's YOU who are not sincere. Ah, let's pretend
that YOU are writing this letter to your small group
Bible study class. Reread the last sentence.
NEAL -- I thank my God upon every remembrance of you
(buzz)
PROF -- Can we rephrase that?
NEAL -- I thank God MOST of the time I remember you.
(buzz)
FREQUENTLY.
(buzz)
SOMETIMES.
(checks the machine expectantly, clears throat, reads)
"Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy"...
(buzz)
I USUALLY pray with joy ...
(buzz)
I SELDOM pray with joy ...
(waits expectantly, but no buzz)
Actually, I pray with joy pretty often...
(buzz, Neal hangs his head in shame)
PROF -- Look, you shouldn't have to change the words. Why don't
you try another epistle. How about Second Thessalonians?
NEAL -- (turns the pages)
"Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would "...
(buzz)
We pray for you often?
(buzz)
PROF -- Maybe the Apostle Paul is just holier than most. Let's try
the third letter of the Apostle John.
NEAL -- (turns the pages)
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth."
(checks the machine and smiles)
PROF -- See?! You pray for the health and welfare of others.
NEAL -- Like when I said I'd pray for you every day before
had that knee surgery.
(buzz)
PROF -- You didn't pray for me every day?
NEAL -- Wull, not exactly.
(buzz)
Wull, I didn't pray for you EVERY day.
(buzz)
You know that thing is really beginning to irritate me!
PROF -- But you SAID you'd pray for me EVERY day.
NEAL -- Well, yeah, I said I'd pray for you, but... I hear
Christians saying that to each other all the time.
PROF -- But, you DIDN'T pray for me did you?
NEAL -- I really meant well. I didn't mean to lie or anything.
I really do feel badly about this. I've always tried to
live a Christian life, but sometimes I just get so
caught up in the concerns of my own little... (cries)
PROF -- You really are repentant about this, aren't you?
NEAL -- Why, yes, of course.
PROF -- Then I'll pray for YOU.
(buzz)
(exiting) must be some malfunction in the machine...
